So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
