Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
