Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
