She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
