the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize