i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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