Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just had sex on a roof
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
