Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm too high and old for this...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
