please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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