Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
