I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
