I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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