i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My life is pants optional.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
