oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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