how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
