Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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