my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
