i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
