The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
