Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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