Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
