My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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