Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Randomize
