I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
a search helicopter?!
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
