I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
false alarm. still invincible.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
