Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
