You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
