So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
