Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
