Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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