In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
