Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
