you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
