I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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