i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
