Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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