I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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