i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
