I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
