yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The uberlube is also flammable
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
