I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
