How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Too much gin, very little bucket
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
