I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
