How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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