I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
