Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
