do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
