if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
