Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
