The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
