I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
