who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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