Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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