You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
