i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just want to make out with him forever
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
