It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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