Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I forgot how hot balto sounded
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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