I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
