Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize