Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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