What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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