I used to practice getting hit by cars.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
