Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
