My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
