the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize