So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
