This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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