I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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