can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
