He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
