He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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