best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
